I am getting older, spicy, more seasoned, whatever you want to call it. Every day you wake up is another day older. I have lived a very interesting 45 years of life so far and hope for 45 or so more. Over these last 45 years, I have heard from women that you will eventually go through The Change. The dreaded M word — menopause. Or now the P word — perimenopause, the first part of the transition. This word is often discussed in hushed tones or not at all. Like it is not natural to have these life transitions. I am happy to see that there are more and more open conversations these day about these natural occurrences among women. Such as the actually scientific name for hot flashes — vasomotor symptoms.
Unfortunately, those conversations don’t always happen in doctors’ offices like we would hope. We are told to go and consult with them about what to expect during these transitions, especially perimenopause and menopause, and often get little to no feedback in return. Women’s health, as it appears, is still very taboo and political for that fact.
I recently made an appointment to consult with an OB/GYN due to suspecting that I may be starting to go through perimenopause. I did my research to find what I thought would be the best fit for me by reading reviews on Google. Side note: I tried two years before with another OB/GYN, but my concerns were dismissed, so I decided not to return to that doctor. But again, I keep trying to find a doctor who will listen. I called and set up what is called a “problem visit” instead of a “wellness visit” to be able to have time to discuss my issues. Apparently, you can’t bring up problems/issues during your well-woman visit. They would like you to make another appointment for your problems. Makes no sense at all, but that is because medical care is set up for profit and not for care. I waited for two months to see this doctor. In that time, I gathered all my past records, labs, and diagnostics/X-rays from other doctor appointments. I also compiled questions and a list of symptoms, everything that most vetted articles say to have to make sure you have a productive visit with your doctor. On the day of the appointment, the doctor walked in with an air of dismissiveness and arrogance. Instead of introducing herself, she sat down and said, “So, what is the problem?”
Well, “Hey, doctor, how is your day?” is what I wanted to say but didn’t. I kind of shrunk into myself, stunned. It seemed that once she saw that I was ready for the visit with information and paperwork she clearly did not want to look at, she just started firing off questions that really did not have anything to do with what I was there for. She ordered some labs and other diagnostics, then breezed back out of the exam room door. Leaving the door wide open. The appointment lasted five minutes exactly. I have heard similar stories from several other women seeking any kind of help.
What I have come to understand as a licensed counselor is the first part of the healing process is hearing someone’s story, having them become comfortable with you without you coming off as arrogant or condescending. Validating the client regarding their concerns and not firing off a bunch of questions even if the session is the intake. If I truly listen, most of my intake questions will be answered by letting them speak. I also may be able to see the bigger picture to the issues they are presenting by simply listening. So many medical mistakes happen, including drug reactions or misdiagnoses, because health-care professionals are not listening. Also, a patient will become more comfortable and open up enough to tell you some critical information that can also help you not make medical errors. Topped with having their own burnout, medical professionals are not being allowed to listen to their patients.
Since medical care in this country is profit-driven, once a doctor has finished medical school, they are saddled with so much debt that it is easy to make them believe and train them to think about profit over care. They have to pay those student loans. So, the patient-consult model is to see patients every 15 minutes in one hour. That’s four or more patients per every 60 minutes. This medical profit-driven model is why I believe the mortality rate in the country is so high and care is so low. Yes, other countries have higher mortality rates, but this is America, where we boast about having the best of everything. Poor medical care, as we have seen in the news in recent years, does not care about your race, gender, or socioeconomic status, although mortality rates are historically higher among BIPOC and people in lower socioeconomic status than any other demographic. And Black women are three times more likely to die from pregnancy-related complications than other races. I have insurance and a well-paying job, but I still got poor treatment. This just goes to show that even choosing the same gender and race does not even help you obtain good medical care. It seems as if doctors are trained now to have no empathy for patients.
The other monster in women’s health or health care in general is social media and the internet. This is a beast the medical community has created. Medical pros complain about TikTok Docs and TikTok Therapists, but the reason they exist is that we don’t get the care or education we need and deserve when we go to an actual doctor. We get dismissed and medically gaslit. We are made to feel like we are crazy because the doctor did not read your exact medical symptoms in some journal.
We have too many one-track-mind doctors. We are still in pain or trying to figure out our symptoms with no help. In comes Dr. Google to the rescue, sometimes a help and sometimes a danger. Or Dr. TikTok, Dr. YouTube, the list goes on. These pseudo-doctors and therapists were born out of necessity due to people looking for help — any help — and not getting it. If doctors were doing such a great job in taking the time to listen and help a patient, then these charlatans might not even exist. I know you can’t stop every conman from making a webpage, but there may be fewer of them if we had true medical help.
No one wants to admit this. Instead, actual medical professionals try to make more TikToks to try to dissuade misinformation, but at this point, people don’t know who to believe because they tried the right way first most times and came up with nothing. Now, people are taking all kinds of pills, potions, and advice trying to get better. Then, they end up in the hospital, and medical professionals shake their head at a patient doing something “stupid.” The truth is the patient had been to a doctor, and that doctor did not help, so the patient took matters into their own hands.
The rising costs of health insurance and health care are also to blame for people turning to social media for medical advice. Let’s do some quick math. Say you need a procedure that costs $1,500, and you find someone on social media who can give you something for your ailment for $50. Who do you think desperate people are going to go with?
The other ugly monster in the room is politics. I did not know my lady parts could be so political. Way to go me and my lady parts! It seems like in today’s crazy and scary but highly entertaining political environment, women’s health is a top issue. To me, it is really not, because it is my body, not yours. There are buzz words and catchphrases used to justify why politicians need to control the most precious part of me. If you want to control me, then take it all. I mean, all the hot flashes, night sweats, menstrual cramps, bloating, gas, water weight, weight gain, and hormonal rage. Nope, that is not going to happen.
If women’s health actually mattered, then politicians would not be trying to push such restrictive policies and laws. Especially in Texas. This has in turn scared health-care practitioners from helping women for fear of jail. Some health-care professionals are leaving women’s health period or leaving states where laws are restrictive. More women are choosing not to have kids for fear of poor or no treatment. This is one of the many factors contributing to the low birth rate.
Politicians think they are helping, but they are not. They don’t even know basic anatomy. Everyone is red-faced as soon as you say the V word — vagina. No one stops and thinks if we don’t truly have healthy women, where does that leave the human race, a.k.a. your future workers? Forcing a woman to have a child even unto death is not a great way to go about things. You may have a live child but a dead mother. Not just physically but mentally, too. You have forced someone to have a child that they know they can’t care for, so they become severely depressed, and the child also loses out. How about invest more in health care for women that includes education on their bodies?
As I sat there in the exam room waiting for that doctor, fanning myself due to hot flashes/private summer, I noticed all the advertisements on the walls and in brochure holders telling us to ask our doctor about this procedure or that medication. Again, profit-driven. I did not see nor was I given anything about perimenopause or other changes my body could be going through. No educational material at all. I did get some of the diagnostic testing done with no real results — everything was “normal.” Really? What is “normal” if I am still having the same symptoms? I decided not to continue with this doctor, either. I was not heard or listened to. I felt anxious about returning, to be honest, and not because something bad was going to be found but because I now knew that office was not where I was going to find help.
I know there are some truly great doctors out there, but they are too few. I will keep searching. I think I will try to find a D.O. for OB/GYN or GYN because I feel that they are more holistic in their medical approach. If anyone knows one, let me know. I am also thinking about trying acupuncture. So, I have not given up, and I would encourage any woman out there reading this not to give up. I am going to use my hormonal rage to push through. Advocate for yourself and your body. It is your body, and no one knows it better than you.
T.C. Taylor is a holistic Licensed Professional Counselor with more than 17 years of experience in the mental health/behavioral health field. She lives in Arlington with her bubbly, happy family.
This column reflects the opinions and fact-gathering of the author(s) and only the author(s) and not the Fort Worth Weekly. To submit a column, please email Editor Anthony Mariani at Anthony@FWWeekly.com. He will gently edit it for clarity and concision.
