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The Dallas Cowboys forgot to yank on their boots for the final game of the 2011 regular season. Instead of kicking Giants butt and two-stepping into the playoffs, they now walk barefoot across the prickly, snake-ridden desert known as Palookaville.

The most disappointing play of the season: New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs scores, runs to the Cowboys star, dances on it, pretends to urinate on it — and the Cowboys do nothing.

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Ah, the perfect metaphor for this year’s defense.

Anyhoo, before everybody disappeared into the abyss known as the off season, I made a few calls and got some departing quotes:

TONY: A NICE FAN SENT ME THIS PHOTO -- THE RED CIRCLE INDICATES I AM THE CENTER OF THE COWBOYS UNIVERSE, AND THE RED DIAGONAL LINE MEANS IM AS STRAIGHT AND TRUE AS AN ARROW. THIS KIND OF FAN SUPPORT MEANS A LOT TO ME, ESPECIALLY AFTER ANOTHER DECEMBER COLLAPSE.
TONY: "A NICE FAN SENT ME THIS PHOTO -- THE RED CIRCLE INDICATES I AM THE CENTER OF THE COWBOYS UNIVERSE. THE DIAGONAL LINE MEANS I'M STRAIGHT AND TRUE AS AN ARROW. THIS KIND OF FAN SUPPORT MEANS A LOT TO ME, ESPECIALLY AFTER ANOTHER DECEMBER COLLAPSE.""
THE JERSEY: SOMEBODY PLEASE BURN ME. AGAIN.
THE JERSEY: "SOMEBODY PLEASE BURN ME. AGAIN."
GOD: JERRY JONES PUT THE HOLE IN THE ROOF SO I COULD LOOK DOWN ON MY TEAM. AND JESUS WEPT.
GOD: "JERRY JONES PUT THE HOLE IN THE ROOF SO I COULD LOOK DOWN ON MY TEAM. AND JESUS WEPT."
BILL: IT IS WHAT IT IS. JERRY: WHAT IS IT? BILL: IT IS CRAP.
BILL: "IT IS WHAT IT IS." JERRY: "WHAT IS IT?" BILL: "IT IS CRAP."
BOB: "SOMETHING IS HAPPENING HERE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, DO YOU MISTER JONES?"
BOB: "SOMETHING IS HAPPENING HERE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, DO YOU MISTER JONES?"
THE STAR: I FEEL SO DIRTY.
THE STAR: "I FEEL SO DIRTY."
THE TROPHY: DALLAS WHO?
THE TROPHY: "DALLAS WHO?"

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2 COMMENTS

  1. Win Lose or Tie, Cowboys till I die!!! Cowboys4life. Greatest wn of the season….Cowboys DEFEAT the Fortywhiners (49ers).

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