I’m not saying my taste in music is better than yours? It’s just that, well, yeah, it kinda is. Listening to We Travel the Spaceways-era Sun Ra and BULLS and Ralph Vaughan Williams on shuffle indicates that I am a superior Homosapien unlike any who has heretofore been seen under the sun, originally from the spaceways or not. And my mom always said I was special. (She’s right, motherfuckers.)
I don’t listen to Spotify, but I’m going to — my friends dig it, and now that I’ve stopped following them off bridges, I should be able to stay above the currents long enough for “The Lark Ascending” to play through. The other reason I’m downloading that green app as soon as I close my laptop is that I can become an “early adopter” and start cashing in on all that yummy new-artist moolah!
What do you mean, There’s no new-artist moolah?
There’s not, though the streaming giant will be using users (“early adopters”) to determine breakthrough artists to ostensibly sign to surely very fair record deals. (Note: Spotify pays artists between $0.003 and $0.005 per stream.)
Here’s what’s up. Spotify was just granted a patent for new Skynet-ish technology that can scout talent. The invention works by collecting listening patterns from “one or more” Spotify users who “adopt” a song or songs “early.” Spotify can then predict which artists are more likely to “break” or break out based on said patterns. To become an adopter, a user must play back a “plurality” of “breaking” artists, which kind of sounds like, if you listen to a lot of new music on Spotify, you can become an early adopter and, with other like-minded adopters, accidentally? subconsciously? create breakout artists! But — hahaha — you won’t get paid for it, idiot.
A system like this thinks really highly of its users. In Spotify’s case, it makes sense. Its most streamed artists are ones I’ve heard of (Drake, Ed Sheeran, Bad Bunny, The Weeknd, Ariana Grande, Justine Bieber) but whose music I’ve never had the pleasure of listening to — and won’t any time soon, though I think my 10-year-old learned an Ed Sheeran song on piano last year. (Capsule review: not bad!) Now, I love free jazz and proto-punk and pastoral symphonies, truly, but at heart I’m a Baby Boomer Bullshit lover. I won’t buy any of it, because it needs to go away to make room for new, local-to-you music, but I love me some Zeppelin, Floyd, and The Doors. And precisely 10 other bands. That’s it. Now get off my lawn.
The problem is that the listening public is not always right. Exhibit A: The Black Eyed Peas. I mean, WTF is that pandering, stupid garbage? And while I promise I’ll listen to Drake, Ed Sheeran, and Bad Bunny when I’m done with my spiel, I can’t imagine their music is even on the same planet as Wish You Were Here or L.A. Woman or Physical Graffiti, a.k.a. pop music from before I was born. Sorry, but Baby Boomer Bullshit has survived for as long as it has because it represents some of the greatest, most dynamically progressive music ever written. From what I’ve heard of contemporary pop and rock on the radio and the screen, it’s not even melodic. It’s just someone singing the same phrase over and over. Repetitive, yes. Melodic? Not quite. You’re still on my lawn.
The patent — and, like the national award-winning journalist that I am, I read some of it — does not indicate if playbacks refer to new uploads or existing uploads. Read it yourself.
Though radio isn’t dead, it’s severely lagging behind Spotify in supporting new talent. Since radio is primarily the province of Baby Boomer Bullshit, the disparity makes sense. By focusing on new artists, however, Spotify will perhaps accidentally turn AM/FM radio off spinning new artists. Streaming services (including satellite, podcasts, and personal libraries) made up 18% of all audio consumption in 2020, according to Edison Research. Terrestrial radio accounted for 39%. For “breaking” artists, will that surely, undoubtedly generous Spotify contract be worth coming in 50,000th place behind Drake et. al, or would you rather be in 500,000th place behind The Eagles, Boston, and the Stones? Either way, looks like local artists are losing. Now let’s download that app … — Anthony Mariani
Contact HearSay at Anthony@FWWeekly.com.
