Fly Kappa Alpha
This one’s a three-course turkey extravaganza. The first serving goes to Fort Worth city officials for allowing single-family homes to be occupied by five unrelated tenants –– that number is between two and four in other, clearly saner Texas metropolises. The second serving goes to Stephen and Ansley Buttrum, the married couple who rent their home on posh Alton Road to five TCU fraternity brothers, much to the neighbors’ dismay. The third helping goes to political consultant Bryan Eppstein, who used his connections and knowhow to make the Buttrums’ life miserable and got perilously close to reworking Fort Worth’s zoning laws to make it all-but-impossible for anyone to rent out his or her home –– period –– in Cowtown. After gathering around the table, let’s all say a prayer and sing “Kumbaya” before digging in.
Crimes and Misdemeators
For someone with “justice” and “peace” in her job title, Jacquelyn Wright seems to struggle with both. She’s been in a years-long battle with a local resident over a house sale gone bad. Wright filed bankruptcy in 2012 despite earning more than $100,000 a year in salary at a job she’s held since 1991. She ran a mudslinging campaign to get re-elected last year and left a comment on Facebook telling her challenger to go screw herself. And the State Commission on Judicial Conduct issued her a public warning after several miscues, including suggesting a quid pro quo deal that would allow her to seek election without a challenger in exchange for retiring midterm –– which would have been after she’d qualified for a full pension. Now she’s fulfilling her term and talking about seeking reelection. Judge Wright is to wisdom what Donald Trump is to humility.
Wood You Like Some Turkey, Oncor?
Each year, Oncor sends out rogue teams of butchers to quickly and carelessly hack away at beautiful trees on people’s properties. The power giant wants to keep its power lines unobstructed. Strong winds often accompany storms, and winds can break tree branches and spill them onto the lines, knocking out electricity. Trimming is necessary. But allowing Oncor to wield the chainsaws is flawed reasoning. The more severely a tree is cut, the longer it can go before being trimmed again. That’s like putting John Wayne Gacy in charge of a Cub Scout troop. You know what’s going to happen. But even Oncor outdid itself earlier this year. A crew visited a gorgeous tree-lined stretch of Oakhurst Scenic Drive in February and wiped out hundreds of old-growth oak and cedar elm trees in a neighborhood listed on the National Register of Historic Places. Many of those trees could have been spared with a little care and planning. But that would have required Oncor to give a damn about anyone’s trees, shade, aesthetics, or property values. For Thanksgiving dinner, Oncor’s tree butchers deserve a nice plate of rotted pine smothered in sawdust gravy.
Bye Bye, Gassy Bird
After 10 unremarkable years in office, former District 4 city councilman Danny Scarth was shown the Fort Worth way out last May. His first run for city council was bankrolled by oil and gas interests, so no wonder Fort Worth’s oil and gas ordinances serve as an example of how not to protect your residents from carcinogenic petrochemicals. Scarth fell behind on property taxes in 2011, leading to questions from his constituents (and the Fort Worth Weekly) about his suitability for balancing budgets. Answer: Cary Moon is now representing District 4.
Red Tape and Gravy
Tarrant County District Clerk Tom Wilder had the county clearing an extra couple-hundred grand a year by issuing passports. Hooray! Let’s give Wilder a pat on the back for generating money to help keep the tax rate down. Federal offices such as the U.S. Postal Service typically handle passport duties. The Dallas Passport Agency, under the auspices of the U.S. State Department, didn’t like the fact that Wilder was just so darned proactive and hard working. Wilder had built up the program by taking passport registration to the people. He had established six passport stations in county offices. But the Dallas agency told him to cut the number of offices to two. And they told him to shorten the hours. Oh, and those outreach trips to senior centers to make it easier for the elderly to get passports before taking cruises or overseas trips? Fuggedaboutit. The feds didn’t like applications being taken from secured areas. You’d think the top clerk in Tarrant County could be trusted to keep track of some forms. Wilder decided the new procedures would eliminate the profits he’s been generating, and he pulled the plug. Sounds like he got his feelings hurt and had a little snit, which is generally poor protocol for an elected official. But the Turkey Award goes to the regulatory agency that seems bent on protecting its domain.
A Real Wild One
Wilder avoided the above Turkey Award, but he can’t escape this one. His desire to shake down poor people is just plain rude. For years, his office waived fees for indigent people seeking divorce in family court. However, a standard divorce calls for both parties to pay their own court costs, typically about $300 apiece. Wilder decided that verbiage gives him the right to swoop in after a divorce and demand that the former couple pay back the clerk’s fees. You know, the same fees that the clerk had waived because the people were poor. Wilder’s office sent out payment demands that fell just short of threatening to send out a goon to bust some kneecaps. Some of those divorced residents sued, and the case has made its way to the Texas Supreme Court. Harassing poor folks by sending threatening letters seems mean rather than judicious.
Drumsticks Aplenty
Imagine a world where movie theaters advertised only movie titles and not screening times. Would you be willing to just show up at your local drafthouse or AMC when the doors open and wait for the opening credits to roll? Of course not. So why do so many local music promoters and venue owners expect you to jump through similar hoops just to enjoy an evening of live music? After all, Mr. Show Promoter, you’ve taken the time to build a website, create a Facebook event page, set up a Twitter account, and/or maintain an Instagram page –– why not use these tools to let us know which band’s playing when?
Listen. We know lots of you do a good job updating us with set times. This Turkey Award isn’t for you. It’s for all of the music promoters and venue owners in town who think their jobs end with booking and advertising a show. A lot of us are busy. We’ve got lots of things going on, which doesn’t allow us to play your guessing games. At some point, it is decided which bands are playing when on a certain night –– how about just tossing that info up onto Facebook or shooting out a tweet? A lot of us would be forever grateful.
Birdie Buddy System
Eagle Mountain and adjacent Saginaw are home to pristine Eagle Mountain Lake, lush parks, and a school district with enough drama to fill 200 episodes of Days of Our Lives. Last year, Kourtney Glaser, vice-principal of Comanche Springs, an Eagle Mountain-Saginaw elementary school, suffered a minor medical emergency brought on by a birth control device she was using. For her troubles, she was placed on administrative leave by Comanche Springs principal Katy Mauer. Glaser said the real reason she was suspended was for confiding to administrators that Mauer had created a hostile work environment. Instead of setting the situation right, school board members, under the advice of administrators, fired Glaser in May. Why was Mauer protected? Turns out, she’s one of several Eagle Mountain-Saginaw employees who previously worked under superintendent Jim Chadwell at another school district. Eagle Mountain? More like Turkey Plain.
