I have zero tattoos, but I love them on other people, especially guys. I think they’re a sexy sneak peak into a person’s soul. It’s like wearing your heart on your sleeve —sometimes literally. But for me, a tattoo is too much of a commitment. I mean, it’s forever unless you pay to get it removed, which I hear hurts like hell and costs a pretty penny. Right now in my life, tattoos are like relationships: I don’t want to commit to anything permanent because I recently ended a 10-year marriage. The very word gives me shivers and bouts of heavy breathing. I think tattoos, like long-term relationships, look lovely on other people.
A reader we’ll call Ben is experiencing a similar conundrum:
“Okay, I’ll be honest here and don’t judge me. Women are 99.99 percent looking for long-term relationships and I think I’m like most guys. I’m open to it but it is not the reason I am dating. I am not dating to find a wife. I keep finding myself in a cycle where after one or two dates the lady gets real clingy and I have to break things off. Is there a solution to this cycle? What can I say up front that might avoid any misunderstanding? I’d like to stay in the dating/non-committal area for a couple of months ideally, but apparently that is not possible.”
Dear Ben,
First off, this is a judgement-free zone. (Judging never did anyone any good anyway.) But yeah, you’re in a difficult spot. The very idea of dating, at least in my opinion, is to form a long-term relationship. But I feel your pain. I enjoy going on dates with passionate, creative, tattoo-laden types, but I don’t necessarily want to get into a serious relationship with any of them — no matter how amazing they may be. Personally, I’m just not ready for that type of relationship, although I have met a guy or two recently who made me reconsider my stance.
The solution to your problem seems to be pretty simple: upfront honesty and communication. Before you even go on a first date with a woman, tell her that you’d really enjoy hanging out with her, but emotionally you’re just not ready for a serious commitment (elaborate more on that reason, too). That way, neither one of you wastes time, energy, or money on a date that’s going to end poorly. Granted, this type of honesty might limit your dating pool and turn off a lot of ladies, but you won’t be worried about doling out labels at the end of date three.
Now, there’s always the risk of running off the woman of your dreams with this non-committal attitude. If I were ready for a serious boyfriend and I met a guy who said that to me, I wouldn’t even give him a second look. Buy hey, timing is everything.
I’m slowly warming up to the idea of sticking with something forever. But it’ll probably be a tattoo before it’s a serious relationship.
As always, please write to me with your questions on love, relationships, and life at: xsandoscolumn@gmail.com.
XOXO,
Sarah
