Jeb Bush Calls Me an Anchor Baby
Jeb Bush is having a bad week. The presumptive Republican front-runner (as opposed to the actual front-runner, the one with the artificial hair) was continuing to take flak for his use of the term “anchor babies.” So on Monday, he explained that he was really referring to Asians. He predictably got strafed for it anew by all and sundry, including Donald Trump:
Asians are very offended that JEB said that anchor babies applies to them as a way to be more politically correct to hispanics. A mess!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 25, 2015
The Donald is correct. (Yes, I said it. Don’t get used to it.) Here’s the thing: When we Asian-Americans hear people like Trump and Scott Walker say that America needs to kick the Latinos out, we know they’re actually talking about us, too. That’s why we voted for Obama in landslide numbers in 2012 after Mitt Romney said the word “self-deport.” However, now Jeb Bush has made a crucial distinction. He doesn’t hate the Latinos. He just thinks me and my brother shouldn’t be citizens of this country where we’ve lived our whole lives. I’d like to thank Jeb for that bit of clarity, on behalf of myself and all the other Americans of Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian, Vietnamese, Thai, Filipino, Iranian, Arab, and other Asian descent. Knowing where we stand will help us immensely when it comes to voting.
Prayer Never Stopped a Bullet
In the wake of yet another mass shooting, this one captured on camera as a disgruntled Virginia journalist killed two of his former colleagues on the air, the same routine is playing out. Hillary Clinton and the White House are advocating new legislation, while Republican presidential candidates are asking us all to say a prayer. There you have our attitudes toward guns in a nutshell: Democrats want to do something, Republicans want to sit around. Let’s see how many more people get killed while they’re busy talking to God.
Free Oleg Sentsov
Filmmakers get unjustly imprisoned sometimes, and I try to alert you all when they do. The latest is Oleg Sentsov, the Ukrainian director who made one previous feature film, a drama about a video-game player called Gámer. Yesterday Russian authorities sentenced him to 20 years in prison, officially for plotting terrorist acts but actually for bringing some food to Ukrainian soldiers last year who were trapped in enemy territory during the invasion of the Crimea. The 39-year-old director appears to have been tortured in prison already, though the Russians, true to despicable form, said his scars were from his supposed gay sadomasochistic sex practices. Not that Vladimir Putin will care if we do, but the international film community needs to support him now. Vsesvitniy z vamy, Oleg.
Get These Comic-Book Lesbians Away From Me!
Duke University’s recommended reading list for the upcoming includes Alison Bechdel’s graphic novel Fun Home, and some students aren’t having any of it. Freshman Brian Grasso penned an editorial in the Washington Post yesterday explaining that he would have to compromise his religious beliefs to read the book containing visual depictions of lesbian sex. At least he’s consistent; he even objects to nudity in Renaissance art. Take note, all you Duke-haters (and we know you’re out there): The school’s on the right side here. It’s Brian Grasso who sucks, along with all his fellow Blue Devils who already know that this book that they haven’t read will offend them. It goes to show: The real threat to academic free speech isn’t liberal professors, it’s students who are afraid of icky new ideas.
And Finally…
By now you may have heard the story of the 40-year-old Chinese woman who flew into Beijing from America with a $200 bottle of Rémy Martin XO Excellence, only to be told by airport security that she couldn’t take the bottle on the connecting flight to her hometown of Wenzhou. Rather than throw away such fine booze with its notes of spice, orange peel, and oak, she chugged the whole bottle of Cognac on the spot, then was prevented from boarding because she was too drunk. The irony is, that particular quaff is known among Cognac aficionados for having a very long finish. In honor of that woman’s admirable but stupid determination to enjoy her pricey liquor, here’s a video of a guy trying and failing to finish a bottle of Hennessy’s in one go.
You think the Republicans just want to sit around and do nothing and only the Democrats want to “do something”? Taking guns away from good people only strengthens bad people.. it makes an entire class of VICTIMS..
I for one will vote for whomever is best for the country.. screw party politics.. and FYI, admitting that you voted for the idiot that has divided this country even further, wasn’t very smart . Not to mention voting for him didn’t do a damn thing to strengthen the stand of this country. We are more divided than ever and as historical comments go… “divided we fall”..
Repugs, Baggers, and other hammer-heads are similar to the cowboy who was so stupid he forgot to pour the urine out of his boots after a night on the town. Idiots, Baggers, Rebel flag-waving knuckle-heads simply want to whine, bitch, and complain. There’s nothing new to see here. Get a job, go to church, get a life.
If you, Stouty, consider your own self a newspaper reporter, may I suggest you attempt finding some fool to hire you to serve up some news. Think about it. Please. My thought is that someone who is inherently deviant and brutaly inferior in ability to the extent of inflickting some poor person the chore of canning their stinking ass at the broken-down Startle-Gram should not be advising any fellow tradesmen. Good grief, get a job, amount to something. Brush your teeth, quit snorting that rubbish, get your lights turned back on, get baptised, and shut your face. You would not recognize newsworthy if it was sitting on your face. Fool.
Stouty, that you wonder and wander is not news. Get a job, act like a man, get off wellfare and amount to something. You can do it!