The Dark Side of Recycling
A fire at a recycling plant sent black smoke billowing into the air last night, prompting area residents to confuse it with a rain cloud. Apparently the whole fire department responded, and investigators from the Texas Commission on Environmental Quality showed up to test the surrounding air and water ––only to remember that gas drilling turned this town into Springfield 10 years ago.
Fort Worth Golfs
Two Fort Worth golfers won PGA events on the same day yesterday. Former TCU golfer J.J. Henry won the Barracuda Championship in Reno, Nev. and Martin Piller dominated the Digital Ally Open on the Web.com Tour. Unfortunately, the golf world was too preoccupied to with Tiger Wood’s newly opened sports bar to take notice. Even when he’s the 186th ranked golfer in the world and doesn’t play a tournament, he still steals the show.
Race War! (Not Really)
Before you go and buy guns for coming Obama-led race war, the Joint Reserve Airbase is just conducting training exercises. Don’t be alarmed by the sandbags and gun turrets being set up at area Planned Parenthoods either, or the Sherman tanks set up outside of KERA. Those are just precautionary measures set up by the Feds because of the overreaction the last time the military dared to train its troops in Texas.
Perry’s Bad Day
Governor Good Hair has apparently stopped paying his staff around the country –– a surprising move for a guy who constantly bragged about how many low-paying jobs he created. So it looks like Rick Perry will be giving up his presidential bid. Standup comedians around the country took solace in the fact that Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, Jeb Bush, Scott Walker, Mike Huckabee, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Chris Christie, and John Kasich are all still in the race.
Cancer Smansher
As part of the GOP’s ongoing fight against Planned Parenthood, poor, uninsured women in Texas will soon be unable to obtain government-subsidized breast and cervical cancer screenings at the organization’s clinics. After a heavily edited video became red meat for state lawmakers, the women’s health organization has become a political piñata –– because once you’re born, best of luck!
