I was wearing a new dress Monday night when he broke up with me. I’m sure I looked stylish as my red high heels dashed out the door after slapping twenty bucks on the table. (I should have totally kept that twenty.)
It’s not that I didn’t want to hear all the many reasons why he didn’t love me anymore — although each one stung like a paper cut slathered in lemon juice. I just really didn’t want to make a sad sobbing scene at the restaurant — I saved that one for the car, and the solitude of my bedroom the next day, and the day after that.
This is the “pretty great” guy I wrote about in last week’s column. He said he loved me, that he was so in love with me. But that wasn’t love. I see that now. How could it be? We only dated briefly, although intensely. And true love doesn’t fade in just days or sprout in mere months. Which brings us, appropriately, to part two of our series exploring the question: What is love?
This week, I talked to a 93-year-old attorney, who’s recently become engaged to an 83-year-old woman we’ll call Kat. They met at church (I love churches). The man (we’ll call him Harold) lost his wife a little over a year ago. This will be his third marriage. The first ended in divorce. He cared for his second wife up until her death and through three years of Alzheimer’s disease.
What is love?
“It’s just wonderful,” said Harold. He says his love for Kat is as strong as any love he’s ever felt in his entire life. In fact, he says he feels like he’s twenty-five again.
But how does he know that he’s in love?
“It’s a hard question to answer. We just love being together and doing things together. We do our exercises everyday.”
Those exercises, he goes on to explain, include things like squats, sit-ups, and arm weights — pretty hardcore for a near centenarian.
They met at church while volunteering for some of the same activities.
“We got to know each other pretty well when she was in charge of the church resale shop. And we do Meals on Wheels together.” (Yes, Harold delivers Meals on Wheels at 93.)
“She’s a very caring person and that’s what I try to be. We have so many things in common.”
Love at 93 feels a lot like love at 25, explains Harold. “It feels good every time you’re together.”
Age doesn’t matter, he says. “I love her dearly.”
Next, I call Kat, who’s been sick with the Shingles, to get her take on love and this new relationship in her life.
“I can’t believe I’m this old and have a boyfriend,” she laughs.
What is love?
“I was afraid you were going to ask me that,” she said seriously. “We hold hands and it feels warm and good. He’s better at describing things. I don’t express myself very well. I don’t know? I don’t think I ever held hands with my [late] husband but I loved him and he loved me. But when I was growing up it was a different time and you didn’t hug or kiss in front of people.”
How do you know when you’re in love?
“I love being near him; when I see him and he smiles at me I have a glowing feeling,” said Kat.
She says when her late husband would touch her she would tingle with happiness, even after decades of marriage.
The couple plans to marry in December. Maybe by then I’ll have a date for the wedding. Not somebody I love, necessarily, but somebody who makes me glow.
Catch the next interview in our What is Love series this Friday. And please, write to me with your questions on love, relationships, and life at: xsandoscolumn@gmail.com
XOXO,
Sarah
