Would Someone Stop Dancing?
And they said I was a fool when I started building an arc in the midst of a record drought. Forecasting types predict that the wet, severe weather in North Texas will continue uninterrupted until whatever we’re doing to piss off God stops. We re-signed Josh Hamilton, God. What else do you want? At least we’re not in Austin or Houston.
Baseball Easter
Speaking of Jesus’ favorite ballplayer, Hamilton played as a Ranger for the first time since the team lost a one-game playoff with Baltimore in 2012. The game before, Hamilton’s error on a routine pop fly cost the Rangers the division. He didn’t get a hit in last night’s game in Cleveland, but he reached on an error that led to the winning run.
Sinkhole At DFW
Anyone who has ever wished that unhelpful airport employees would go to hell got a scare today when a sinkhole was reported at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. The hole was on a runway, and some flights have been delayed, but none have been canceled. Inspectors found the sinkhole this morning, and the runway will be closed until the hole is filled with abandoned luggage.
Our Red Light Districts
As cities across the country appear ready to stop being assholes, it looks like Fort Worth is standing behind its red light cameras –– because it’s totally fair to give people a ticket they can’t appeal. Also, btw, those tickets can’t go to warrant, but they will affect your credit score if you don’t pay them. So if you’re credit is already toast, feel free to make rolling stops indiscriminately and use those tickets as a fan or coasters. Turn your infraction into what interior design people call “conversation pieces.”
Galveston Nights
In statewide news, a bunch of cocaine washed ashore in Galveston. That’s the sixth package to wash ashore over the last week. The search for Charlie Sheen’s missing boat is ongoing, according to officials from the Coast Guard.
