Up Next: That Senator with the Snowball

Apparently the CEO of British Petroleum and the captain of the Exxon Valdez oil tanker weren’t available. Too bad. Those two would have fit perfectly among the list of speakers at this year’s Earth Day Texas set for March 24-26 at Fair Park in Dallas.

Other speakers: Lt. Gov. Dan Patrick, a Republican who views climate change as a nutty fantasy of left-wing liberals with a God complex; Texas Railroad Commission Chairman Ryan Sitton, a Republican who’s supposed to regulate oil and gas polluters but appears more interesting in licking their boots while accepting their generous campaign contributions; and author Bjorn Lomborg, who wrote The Skeptical Environmentalist, a book that downplays global warming and pollution in general.

The lineup is so offensive to local environmentalist Sharon Wilson that she is dubbing the event “Screw Earth Day Texas,” and calls it a “cruel joke” on environmentalists.

Jillian Mock, a spokeswoman for the event, said the goal is to “attract a diverse audience to elevate environmental awareness and positively influence the way Texans think, live, and work.” Static isn’t sure how to translate that, but it sounds like she’s saying, “We don’t just want tree-hugging lefties wearing tie-dyed t-shirts and bad ponytails showing up, so we invited people who hate the environment to help make everyone feel comfy.”

Come to think of it, plenty of Texans don’t believe in climate change (or, apparently, scientific evidence). And, in defense of Dallas’ Earth Day soiree, the long list of speakers includes plenty of people who’ll offer counter-perspectives to the load of bull crap that Patrick and Sitton will be spewing. They include the heads of the Audubon Society and the Bat Conservation International, as well as author Karenna Gore Schiff, daughter of Al Gore.

“The goal of Earth Day Texas is to educate every Texan about the importance of living an environmentally friendly life, regardless of political affiliation,” Mock said.

Static is uncertain how Sitton and Patrick will manage to keep straight faces while discussing the importance of environmental friendliness. They’ll have to think of baseball box scores or something to distract themselves.

Seeing a Double Standard

Elyse Dickerson, wife of Kimbell Art Museum curator C.D. Dickerson, is one of two plaintiffs in a $110 million gender-discrimination suit against Alcon, the eye-care corporation headquartered in Fort Worth. The lawsuit extends to Novartis, the parent company. Dickerson and, her fellow plaintiff, Pennsylvania resident Susan Orr, were both directors at Alcon. They say they were passed over for promotions, paid less than male peers, and given less favorable work assignments than men.

Dickerson filed a discrimination charge with the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission in August 2014. She said Alcon retaliated by downgrading her performance ratings and firing her in January while she was on medical leave. The case was filed in New York, where the Novartis headquarters are located.