Vocativ, the online magazine that provides “news from the deep web,” just hit me with an email. The subject describes Fort Worth as being among the “top cities to live.”
“Our new Livability Index ranks Fort Worth the #12 city in America for people 35 and younger. ”
The next paragraph begins with a backhanded compliment that turns into a pat on the head: “Far from its days as a seedy Western town, Fort Worth is a metropolis boomtown that’s getting bigger and better by the day.”
Golly, thanks!
Want more passive aggression?
“And if you think Forth Worth is a place where you’ll find just steakhouses and saloons, you’re only half right.”
But the real slap comes farther down in the email, where the Top 10 cities are listed.
No. 1 is New York, NY.
OK, I can see how that’s a rocking city to ride the snake.
No. 2 on the list is … WTF?
It seems Vocativ has buried its lede — Arlington is listed at No. 2!
Wait, is that Arlington, VA?
Nope, it says right there, “Arlington, TX.” The magazine even coins a new phrase for people who live there — “Arlingtoners.”
The study’s criteria includes affordable housing, quality of public transportation, desirable weather, diversity.
Obviously, public transportation didn’t weigh too heavily in their analysis.
Allow Vocativ to explain itself: “Literally everything is cheap in Arlington. First of all, you can get a two-bedroom apartment for under $900 a month. Two. Bedrooms. Also inexpensive: food, beer, even kombucha. (Just kidding, Texans outside of Marfa and Austin don’t know what that is, but with what Arlingtoners save on rent, they can afford to have it delivered from L.A., on foot.) Jobs are on the rise in Arlington, too, although you might have to work at Six Flags. (Sounds pretty fun to us.) A night out in revamped downtown or at Division Street dives won’t break the bank, so you and your fellow roller-coaster management professionals can run wild. Go see a Cowboys game, go to a country show—do anything. You have all the money.”
I love Arlington and spent many years living there. It’s nobody’s damn suburb, as a former mayor once said. But it’s now better than Denver, Austin, Seattle, and San Francisco?
And 10 slots better than Fort Worth?
Vocativ describes its guide as “semi-exhaustive” and “largely scientific.”
Getting drunk and writing internet stories can be semi-exhausting, and even largely scientific when including the right chemical substances.
Here’s the full Top 10 cities according to Vocativ’s Livability Index (I’m packing up tomorrow and moving to Madison, WI, which is ranked three slots higher than this seedy helltown):
New York, NY
Arlington, TX
San Francisco, CA
Denver, CO
Austin, TX
Minneapolis, MN
Seattle, WA
Saint Paul, MN
Madison, WI
Portland, OR
Maybe Vocativ is written for young Republicans looking for a home? Arlington is perfect, with Fort Worth a close second.
Yes that explains why Portland, Austin, Seattle, NYC, Denver, and Minneapolis made the list… obviously written for young republicans…
Here are some other articles published by Vocativ:
Town Drowns In Pigeon Sh*t…And It’s Not NYC
Are People Taking Glitter Pills To Make Their Sh*t Sparkle?
Penis Surgery Is A Big Scam, Says These Guys Who Got Shafted
Lebanon Is Eating Sh*t Literally
________________________________
Maybe they do know what Cowtown is full of.
This explains why they liked Arlington so much.
I saw the whole article on the Star-Telegram and the list wasn’t about which cities were the most attractive to young people, it said the list was based off of the biggest “net gain” of young people…