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There were five — count ’em, five! — big wins during last night’s Dallas Cowboys game against the Denver Broncos, and I’m not even counting the fact that we won the game 24-23. Winning scores don’t count in preseason.

Win No. 1 — If he survives roster cuts, we’ll have a guy on our team named Tysson Poots. That would be funny.

Win No. 2 –Nobody got injured.

LIKE FATHER LIKE SON: ROB AND BUDDY RYAN
LIKE FATHER LIKE SON: ROB AND BUDDY "THE BOUNTY" RYAN
Rectangle Fort Jewelry 1_4SQ (300 x 250 px)

Win No. 3 — I somehow made it through the whole game without puking at the sight of seeing a spawn of Buddy Ryan prowl the Cowboys sideline (Buddy being the dirty former Philadelphia Eagles couch who once put a bounty on a Cowboys player).

Win No. 4 –Tony Romo’s wife didn’t wear a pink jersey in the stands and make us lose the game.

YES, WIN NO. 4 WAS JUST A SHAMELESS PLOY TO RUN A SEXY PHOTO OF JESSICA SIMPSON
YES, WIN NO. 4 WAS JUST A SHAMELESS PLOY TO RUN A SEXY PHOTO OF JESSICA SIMPSON

Win No. 5 — In the interest of fairness and equal time, I’m obligated to run a photo of Romo’s new wife.

CANDICE CRAWFORD
ROMO'S BETTER HALF, CANDICE CRAWFORD

2 COMMENTS

  1. Well ROMO wanted Jess to wear & bought her the Jersey. Don’t blame Jess. Lets see what Candice gets blamed for this year as ROMO tanks.

  2. It was wrong of me to blame Jess. I crossed the line and for that I am truly sorry. I feel…dirty.

    Dear Jess, I’d like to ask your personal forgiveness for my callousness while joking at your expense. If I could take it all back, I would (except for the picture).

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