The current edition of Texas Monthly contains a Kinky Friedman column with some funny observations about the gubernatorial election, written by “the only man on earth who’s had the misfortune of running against both Bill White and Rick Perry.”
On Perry: “I’d file Rick in the Strong Candidate – Weak Leader Department, a breed we see so much of these days. He’ll invariably greet you with a firm stare and a firm grip, especially if you own a firm.”
On White: “There is no overly sincere, unctuous, talonlike handshake that always lasts a little longer than you’d like it to. Instead of a penetrating, political stare, Bill may, at times, seem to be peering furtively over your shoulder as if he were trying to establish eye contact with a unicorn.”
On the BP oil spill: “White is left with the unpleasant task of defending the [Obama] administration upon whose watch the spill occurred. He should emphasize the positive — we’re finally making good on our promises to export oil to Mexico.”
Kinky’s advice to both candidates: “Strive not to be politicians but to be statesmen. One good way to accomplish this is to be the only true Christian in the race. Speak out against the death penalty. I apologize that you had to hear this from a Jew. But remember, gentlemen, that’s who you heard it from the first time.”
His campaign insight: “Perry and White are creatures of narrow habit; they are the packaged products of the two political parties whose self-interest is infinite and all encompassing. It is only the tea parties, the independents, the Libertarians, the people on the outside looking in who might be capable of producing a leader who truly cares about representing all the people.”
Go away and stay away, Kinky.