The couple seated behind Chow, Baby at Jamaica Gates (1020 W. Arkansas Ln., Arlington) was explaining their dietary needs to wonderful server Maribet: no curry, no jerk seasoning, no peppers (not even bell), no spice or spiciness whatsoever. OK, you do realize you’re in a Jamaican restaurant, right? Chow, Baby was tempted to turn around and fling them a “you paste-eaters” sneer – as in “you dimwitted misfits,” though now that Chow, Baby thinks about it, in this context the insult works on two levels. So cool when that happens.
But let’s not be so quick to judge. Certainly the first time Chow, Baby ever had Laotian papaya salad (in 2004 at the overpoweringly authentic Sikhay, 3301 NE 28th St.), believing that the main ingredient would be sweet, sunset-colored pulpy fruit, the lesson “mention spiciness preference when ordering” was seared into its brain and nasal passages for all time. So yeah, it’s good to ask first, and with that thought Chow, Baby greeted Jamaica Gates’ great gift to the indecisive: the five-dish appetizer sampler platter ($15.92). Because spice level was now on Chow, Baby’s mind, the jerk shrimp seemed wimpily mild, though the Rude Boy jerk chicken wings had more of a bite. Heat-haters can select beautifully caramelized sweet plantains, beef-filled cocktail patties, and tangy-sweet citrus wings. Here’s a crazy thought: Check out the clearly indicated spice levels and dish ingredients on the menu, and ask your helpful server if you have any questions.
Meanwhile the allergies-and-preferences discussion continued behind Chow, Baby, though the paste-eaters had now traded Maribet in for a manager. Dying to know if the eaters matched its mental image, Chow, Baby did the napkin-drop thing – and it can’t tell you what they looked like, because the only thing it noticed was: their full dinner plates. So. Not only had these folks brought their spice dislikes and pepper allergies to a Jamaican place, but they had looked over a highly descriptive menu, ordered from a knowledgeable and helpful server, had their food cooked and delivered – and now, now they decide they don’t like it? And they want a complete no-spice re-do of everything on their plates? Yes, that’s what they wanted (and were graciously provided).
Chow, Baby had trouble closing its dropped jaw enough to eat its curried goat ($14.92), slow-cooked, very tender meat with a whole lot of Jamaican-curry seasoning – exactly as described on the menu. But Chow, Baby always remembers too late that it doesn’t like goat as much as it thinks it does. Send it back, ask for the dish to be remade with yummy lamb? The bread pudding ($5.92) wasn’t quite as gooey as Chow, Baby prefers. Ask the chef to whip up another batch using a different recipe? No, no, no. The rule is, as Chow, Baby has said before: If a bad dish is the kitchen’s mistake, the kitchen eats it; if it’s Chow, Baby’s ordering mistake, the beloved eats it. Jamaica Gates made no mistakes (anywhere) that Chow, Baby could see. The bread pudding was different but fabulous, the beloved greatly enjoyed the goat, and as for the paste-eaters, well, Chow, Baby hears there are a lot of restaurants, chains of them all over town, just for people who pine for bland, boring food and never want to try anything new. Check them out, please. For everyone’s digestive sake.
Contact Chow, Baby at chowbaby@fwweekly.com.
