The day after abortion doctor George Tiller was gunned down by a religious zealot, I was sitting on my couch watching one of my favorite high school movies, the 80s classic Fast Times at Ridgemont High. A major character in Fast Times gets an abortion, but that’s not what jumped out at me. It was actually the crude wisdom of pothead icon Jeff Spicoli that grabbed my attention, because it highlighted the ignorance of religious zealots all over this country.
The scene occurs late in the movie, when Spicoli is cornered at home by his history teacher, Mr. Hand. Hand has decided that Spicoli owes him some of his free time because Spicoli wasted so much class time at school. They go over several lessons, the last of which addresses Thomas Jefferson’s general intent in writing the Declaration of Independence. Spicoli concludes: “What Jefferson was saying was, ‘Hey, you know, we left this England place ’cause it was bogus … so if we don’t get some new rules ourselves, pronto, we’ll just be bogus, too.’ “
Amen, brother.
These days much is being said about our nation having been founded on religious principles. Some Christian leaders hold this up as justification for blurring the lines that separate church and state. And a large number of true believers feel the problem with America is that it has strayed too far from its religious roots. Both notions are based on bleary recollections of this nation’s beginnings.
Religious conformity and standard observances of established church doctrine were never the chief impetus for the founding of our country or the genesis of its principles. In fact, quite the opposite was true. The folks who packed into the Mayflower, crossed the Atlantic, and braved this new world were religious rebels fleeing oppression and persecution. In Britain, they faced fines, imprisonment, and execution for expressing their religious views. The sanctimonious majority demanded that they adhere to the Church of England’s prescribed values, morals, and method of worship. Our forebears refused and fled here so they could pursue their faith as they pleased. The founding fathers made sure the United States Constitution fostered a society based on religious freedom and tolerance.
Today, the thing that too many religious folks don’t get is that when they attempt to legislate their morality and cram their belief systems down our throats, they don’t champion the ideals and principles of the brave souls who started this nation; they embody the spiritual tyranny we came here to escape.
If you don’t think evolution should be taught in our schools, fine. Home-school your anthropoid offspring or send them to a religious academy – but don’t deny the rest of our children a solid foundation in science.
If you think a woman’s place is in the home, that she should be the humble, unquestioning servant of her husband, so be it. But don’t ask the rest of us to set our watches back two millennia.
If you don’t think abortion is a choice a woman should have a right to make, OK. Write your local member of Congress. You’re entitled to your opinion. Just don’t express it with guns or explosives.
If you think homosexuality is a choice, a sin or, as the Good Book puts it, an abomination, fine. Stop watching Ellen, never visit the Sistine Chapel, be wary of the FBI (a raging queer made it what it is today), and avoid eating shrimp, crawfish, and lobster. Like homosexuality, the Bible condemns the consumption of crustaceans as an abomination in the eyes of the Lord (Leviticus 11;10-12).
In this country, whether we like it or not, being backward, uninformed, and intentionally or unintentionally ignorant is every man and woman’s God-given right. The rest of us may find it unnerving, but we must respect their freedom to believe and to measure righteousness as they see fit.
It’s simply unfortunate that a chronic stoner has a better grasp of American history than so many of the faithful.
E.R. Bills is a local freelance writer whose work has appeared in numerous publications.
