Chow, Baby has been reading a book called Stuff White People Like, compiled from the blog of the same name. It’s basically a field guide to the things some people do to feel special and unique even though millions of others are doing the exact same thing.
Now, not all white people are White People, and for that matter not all White People are white; author Christian Lander is satirizing the demographic shard of left-leaning, city-dwelling, hipper-than-thou artistic/professional types formerly known as yuppies, then bobos, then grups (an obscure, semi-nerdy, and therefore perfect White People reference to an old Star Trek episode). According to Lander, White People express their individuality and uniqueness by wearing vintage t-shirts, liking something (a band, a comedian, a restaurant, anything) that “the masses” haven’t heard of, quoting The Daily Show, and threatening to move to Portland, Ore. All their children are gifted, and their pets are named after musicians.
Obviously this is just a silly stereotype. Still, Chow, Baby and its gifted cat Jaco (after the jazz bassist Jaco Pastorius) had fun scoring ourselves on the many food-related White People Like items. Let’s see: No. 63, Expensive Sandwiches. Well, there’s that killer Monte Cristo at Chef Point Café (5901 Watauga Rd., Watauga), a little steep at $8.99. Definitely worth it to Chow, Baby, though, so there’s a few White People points. As for No. 45, Pan-Asian Food, it happens that just the other day Chow, Baby was cruising Haltom City after shopping for vintage t-shirts at the Goodwill there, and stumbled on Mochi Kitchen (4613 Denton Hwy., next to Hoffbrau).
The food is not outstandingly great – “gloppy” came to mind a few times over the Chinese dishes (lunch specials $3.99-$6), and the gyoza ($6) were overcooked to crunchiness. But tempura shrimp were very nice, both in a roll with crab and avocado ($7) and in a bento box with tempura vegetables ($9). And the small restaurant is friendly and budget-chic, with non-mainstream music and wall décor of scrawled colored-chalk graffiti. Yes, White People should like this place, for a quick lunch or casual dinner. Chow, Baby will take, oh, two points.
No. 71, Being the Only White Person Around. This entry explains how White People think it’s so cool when they’re the only Anglo in an ethnic restaurant. As in, from earlier this year, “On each of its many happy visits to Phat-Dat (4045 E. Belknap St.), Chow, Baby has been the only Anglo in the house.” This seems to get mentioned every time Chow, Baby hits a taqueria, too. In defense, this proves the restaurant’s authenticity, but since over-concern with “authenticity” is further proof of Whiteness, Chow, Baby better just shut up and take the points. Same with No, 36, Brunch. Admittedly, it doesn’t get more White than Chow, Baby’s favorite weekend-morning activity: reading the Sunday New York Times (No. 46) at the Jazz Café (2504 Montgomery St.), listening to Brubeck-style cool jazz (another White People treat), and enjoying three-cheese eggs Florentine with gloriously greasy hash browns ($12).
Appalled at its high Whiteness score, Chow, Baby was about to wrap things up with some faux self-mockery to show how cool it actually is. But that would be a typical White People maneuver, according to No. 103, Self-Deprecating Humor. Thus, as Jon Stewart so often says on The Daily Show, I got nothin’. Bye.
Contact Chow, Baby at chowbaby@fwweekly.com.
