The Dungeon Master looks at the four guys at the table, adjusts his glasses, and says ominously, “Your party is lost in a part of the kingdom with which you are unfamiliar. The alleys are dark, twisted, and far from the safety of the king’s guards. Your safest move is to enter a shabby tavern barely visible in the gloom, save for a glowing flagon of ale magically cut into the old wooden front door. What do you do?”
“My fighter says we go in,” says the first guy.
“No way,” says the guy to his left. “My cleric thinks we’re better off being lost.”
The third guy looks at his character sheet. “Rogues take chances. I say we check it out.”
The DM raises his eyebrows. “And what about you, wizard?”
The last guy takes a big swig from his leaded Dr Pepper, knuckles his hairless chin, and says flatly, “We go in.”
There are all kinds of nerds in addition to the D&D-playing archetype we all know and have flung tater tots at and have stuffed into lockers and across whose noggins we have draped sweaty jock straps after practice. Or maybe that’s just how my dumb jock friends know him. (And we’re definitely talking about a “him” here. Most nerds are dudes.) Anyhoo, there’s the sports stats nerd, the film buff, the music snob, the fanboy, and, of course, the gamer. But even the most introverted over-21 dork eventually grows weary of spending his weekends flipping through the Player’s Handbook or Monster Manual. Eventually he drags himself or, more likely, is dragged out into a social setting, if for no other reason than to get some real-world experience points.
Locally, there are a handful of places where our nerdy friends might not be made to feel like total losers, starting with the Chat Room Pub (1263 W. Magnolia Ave.), where the pixelated glow of the bar’s myriad computers provides a sort of security blanket for the socially awkward, internet-obsessed types. Paddy Red’s Irish Pub (609 Houston St.) has an intense trivia night on Thursdays. Nearly every regular at Ye Olde Bull & Bush (2300 Montgomery St.) can accurately quote every Monty Python skit ever filmed, and at J.R. Bentley’s (406 W. Abram St.), University of Texas-Arlington grad students can drink in peace while parsing the ins and outs of feudal Europe or Foucault.
For nerd-spotting, there’s Hooligan’s Pub & Grill (1301 S. Cooper St.), a comfy Bull & Bush-type of place that is equidistant from both Lone Star Comics and a recently defunct videogame store. Miraculously, Hooligan’s is also friendly to jocks on the prowl for flabby bodies against which tater-tot attacks can be launched. Just ask me.
