So George W. Bush vetoed a bill that would outlaw the practice of waterboarding. Hold that thought for a moment.
Two stories come immediately to mind. One originates from a therapist in Fort Worth and the other from a preacher. Let’s start with the therapist. Once upon a time, there was an institution known as the Fort Worth State School for the Mentally Retarded. The therapist was given the task of looking after a young boy who was a threat to himself as well as others. The boy was often required to wear a helmet and to be restrained. Sometimes, as a last resort, a cattle prod was used on him.
Sound severe? Of course – because it was. The catch is that before administering the shock, the therapist was placed in a chair and the prod was used on her. It’s not a fond memory, but at least she knew exactly what the boy was going to feel. The procedure was intended to prevent abuse by anyone who might be a little too trigger-happy.
The story told by the preacher involves a man who went to Niagara Falls on his honeymoon. On the final morning there, the husband watched a man with a wheelbarrow walk across a cable over the falls, and then come back.
Thrilled, he raced over to the acrobat and insisted that he repeat the feat for his bride. The guy just laughed and replied that he was only able to do that particular trick once a day.
“I’ll pay you to do it again,” the man said.
‘No, really, I just do it once a day,” the acrobat said.
“I have faith that you can do it again,” the groom said.
“OK, tell you what. Hop in the wheelbarrow, and I’ll walk across the wire again.”
Now back to that thought you’ve been holding. Bush insists that the United States does not torture. Is waterboarding to be considered a form of torture?
There is an easy way to arrive at an answer. Let’s cattle-prod the president, stick him into the wheelbarrow with his self-professed faith, and then interrogate him. No need to get complicated. Although millions of Americans would like the answers to a great many questions about his administration, we’ll just give him an easy one. How about – what’s the correct pronunciation of the word “nuclear”?
A soaked towel is stuffed into his mouth until the person feels as though he is drowning. It is removed, replaced, and the process repeated. After that, you could tell him that nuclear is pronounced to rhyme with elephant, and he would agree. Such agony could make a person admit to all sorts of things, true or not.
So think about the United States making foreign policy decisions and internal security decisions based on information acquired in such a manner. Think about the reputation of the United States abroad being built on such a practice. Think about future interrogations of American prisoners of war by other nations. Think about all of us being in that wheelbarrow with George, because he has such faith in the practice.
The decision should be easier than pronouncing a three-syllable word. It can be expressed in four one-syllable words that even George can pronounce: Not. In. Our. Name.
David Daniel is a freelance writer living in Fort Worth.
